Saturday, December 15, 2007
Santa & Banta - Dumb and Dumber
Santa and Banta decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport fishing.
After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.
Banta said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come) Santa says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... Seeing that Banta shouted, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes.
Banta said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come) Santa says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... Seeing that Banta shouted, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
How Software Project Start
Programmer to Team Leader: "We can't do this proposed project. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take this type of project."
Team Leader to Project Manager: "This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."
Project Manager to Director: "This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."
Director to Vice President: "This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."
Vice President to CEO: "This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances. "
CEO to Client: "This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame."
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Team Leader to Project Manager: "This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature."
Project Manager to Director: "This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it."
Director to Vice President: "This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution."
Vice President to CEO: "This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in remodeling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances. "
CEO to Client: "This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame."
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
The Raise
Maid asked for a pay raise, Madam was very upset about this and asked, 'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'
Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: The Master said so.
Madam: Oh.
Maria. The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Madam: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?
Maria: 'The Master did.' Madam.
Maria: My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.
Madam (very angry now): Did the Master say so as well?
Maria: No Madam, the chauffeur did!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: The Master said so.
Madam: Oh.
Maria. The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Madam: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?
Maria: 'The Master did.' Madam.
Maria: My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.
Madam (very angry now): Did the Master say so as well?
Maria: No Madam, the chauffeur did!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Problems Like Animals (Joke)
Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said
Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife
Doctor: are you an engineer?
Man: Yes
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife
Doctor: are you an engineer?
Man: Yes
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Stupid Or Not?
True Colors
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Tried to Tell you
I tried to tell you I love you
but the words were hard to find.
I'm always thinking about you
you're the only one on my mind.
Oh why do I act so shy forever hiding my face
I should learn to laugh and not to cry put yourself in my place.
There were times I tried to kiss you but something told me no.
You wanted me to hold you but I
kept letting you go.
I'm afraid that I am not the guy
you've searched for all these years.
I will kindly leave now don't you cry
try to hold back your tears.
It's been so long I haven't seen you
for quite awhile
When I think of how we me met it only
brings back your smile.
I remember when I held you then and
told you we'd never part
I loved you then I love you now and
I'll hold you in my heart.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
but the words were hard to find.
I'm always thinking about you
you're the only one on my mind.
Oh why do I act so shy forever hiding my face
I should learn to laugh and not to cry put yourself in my place.
There were times I tried to kiss you but something told me no.
You wanted me to hold you but I
kept letting you go.
I'm afraid that I am not the guy
you've searched for all these years.
I will kindly leave now don't you cry
try to hold back your tears.
It's been so long I haven't seen you
for quite awhile
When I think of how we me met it only
brings back your smile.
I remember when I held you then and
told you we'd never part
I loved you then I love you now and
I'll hold you in my heart.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Good One on Men
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.' The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
This is the best!!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.' The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
This is the best!!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced 'Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.'
The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Time for Some Logic
Time for Some Logic
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work !
In other words,
Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work
************ ********* *****
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
************ ********* *****
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys
************ ********* *****
So the Conclusion is:
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work !
In other words,
Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work
************ ********* *****
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
************ ********* *****
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys
************ ********* *****
So the Conclusion is:
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
Award winning joke in London
Banta Singh walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai , the other in Canada and I ' m here in London .
When they left home, we promised that we ' ll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don ' t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone ' s fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
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I just quit drinking"!!!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai , the other in Canada and I ' m here in London .
When they left home, we promised that we ' ll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don ' t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone ' s fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
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I just quit drinking"!!!
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
A Good strory , Read it once
*Ant & Grasshopper*
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
Modern Version*
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
*NDTV, BBC, CNN * show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so? *
Arundhati Roy ** *stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house . *
Medha Patkar** *goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.*
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan *criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The *Internet* is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . *
Opposition MPs *stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. *
Lalu Prasad *allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath ' .
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' *Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' *[POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.*
Arjun Singh *makes '*Special Reservation *' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' *A Triumph of Justice* ' .
Lalu calls it '*Socialistic Justice *' .
CPM calls it the ' *Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden *'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the *UN General Assembly*. *
Many years later*
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in * Silicon Valley * .
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, * India is still a developing country!!!*
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
Modern Version*
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
*NDTV, BBC, CNN * show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so? *
Arundhati Roy ** *stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house . *
Medha Patkar** *goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.*
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan *criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The *Internet* is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . *
Opposition MPs *stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. *
Lalu Prasad *allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath ' .
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' *Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' *[POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.*
Arjun Singh *makes '*Special Reservation *' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' *A Triumph of Justice* ' .
Lalu calls it '*Socialistic Justice *' .
CPM calls it the ' *Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden *'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the *UN General Assembly*. *
Many years later*
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in * Silicon Valley * .
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, * India is still a developing country!!!*
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
The Romance Mathematics Guide!
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Friday, November 30, 2007
Essential Health Tips
"He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything."
-Arabian Proverb
1. Move MoreMake it a daily challenge to find ways to move your body. Climb stairs if given a choice between that and escalators or elevators. Walk your dog; chase your kids; toss balls with friends, mow the lawn. Anything that moves your limbs is not only a fitness tool, it's a stress buster. Think 'move' in small increments of time. It doesn't have to be an hour in the gym or a 45-minute aerobic dance class or tai chi or kickboxing. But that's great when you're up to it. Meanwhile, move more. Thought for the day: Cha, Cha, Cha…. Then do it!
2. Cut FatAvoid the obvious such as fried foods, burgers and other fatty meats (i.e. pork, bacon, ham, salami, ribs and sausage). Dairy products such as cheese, cottage cheese, milk and cream should be eaten in low fat versions. Nuts and sandwich meats, mayonnaise, margarine, butter and sauces should be eaten in limited amounts. Most are available in lower fat versions such as substitute butter, fat free cheeses and mayonnaise. Thought for the day: Lean, mean, fat-burning machine…. Then be one!
3. Quit Sm0kingThe jury is definitely in on this verdict. Ever since 1960 when the Surgeon General announced that sm0king was harmful to your health, Americans have been reducing their use of t0bacco products that kill. Just recently, we've seen a surge in sm0king in adolescents and teens. Could it be the Hollywood influence? It seems the stars in every movie of late s0oke cig@rettes. Beware. Warn your children of the false romance or 'tough guy' stance of Hollywood sm0kers. Thought for the day: Give up just one cig@rette…. the next one.
4. Reduce StressEasier said than done, stress busters come in many forms. Some techniques recommended by experts are to think positive thoughts. Spend 30 minutes a day doing something you like. (i.e.,Soak in a hot tub; walk on the beach or in a park; read a good book; visit a friend; play with your dog; listen to soothing music; watch a funny movie. Get a massage, a facial or a haircut. Meditate. Count to ten before losing your temper or getting aggravated. Avoid difficult people when possible. Thought for the day: When seeing red, think pink clouds….then float on them.
5. Protect Yourself from PollutionIf you can't live in a smog-free environment, at least avoid smoke-filled rooms, high traffic areas, breathing in highway fumes and exercising near busy thoroughfares. Exercise outside when the smog rating is low. Exercise indoors in air conditioning when air quality is good. Plant lots of shrubbery in your yard. It's a good pollution and dirt from the street deterrent. Thought for the day: 'Smoke gets in your eyes'…and your mouth, and your nose and your lungs as do pollutants….hum the tune daily.
6. Wear Your Seat BeltStatistics show that seat belts add to longevity and help alleviate potential injuries in car crashes. Thought for the day: Buckle down and buckle up.
7. Floss Your TeethRecent studies make a direct connection between longevity and teeth flossing. Nobody knows exactly why. Perhaps it's because people who floss tend to be more health conscious than people who don't? Thought for the day: Floss and be your body's boss.
8. Avoid Excessive DrinkingWhile recent studies show a glass of wine or one drink a day (two for men) can help protect against heart disease, more than that can cause other health problems such as liver and kidney disease and cancer. Thought for the day: A jug of wine should last a long time.
9. Keep a Positive Mental OutlookThere's a definitive connection between living well and healthfully and having a cheerful outlook on life. Thought for the day: You can't be unhappy when you're smiling or singing.10. Choose Your Parents WellThe link between genetics and health is a powerful one. But just because one or both of your parents died young in ill health doesn't mean you cannot counteract the genetic pool handed you. Thought for the day: Follow these basic tips for healthy living and you can better control your own destiny.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
-Arabian Proverb
1. Move MoreMake it a daily challenge to find ways to move your body. Climb stairs if given a choice between that and escalators or elevators. Walk your dog; chase your kids; toss balls with friends, mow the lawn. Anything that moves your limbs is not only a fitness tool, it's a stress buster. Think 'move' in small increments of time. It doesn't have to be an hour in the gym or a 45-minute aerobic dance class or tai chi or kickboxing. But that's great when you're up to it. Meanwhile, move more. Thought for the day: Cha, Cha, Cha…. Then do it!
2. Cut FatAvoid the obvious such as fried foods, burgers and other fatty meats (i.e. pork, bacon, ham, salami, ribs and sausage). Dairy products such as cheese, cottage cheese, milk and cream should be eaten in low fat versions. Nuts and sandwich meats, mayonnaise, margarine, butter and sauces should be eaten in limited amounts. Most are available in lower fat versions such as substitute butter, fat free cheeses and mayonnaise. Thought for the day: Lean, mean, fat-burning machine…. Then be one!
3. Quit Sm0kingThe jury is definitely in on this verdict. Ever since 1960 when the Surgeon General announced that sm0king was harmful to your health, Americans have been reducing their use of t0bacco products that kill. Just recently, we've seen a surge in sm0king in adolescents and teens. Could it be the Hollywood influence? It seems the stars in every movie of late s0oke cig@rettes. Beware. Warn your children of the false romance or 'tough guy' stance of Hollywood sm0kers. Thought for the day: Give up just one cig@rette…. the next one.
4. Reduce StressEasier said than done, stress busters come in many forms. Some techniques recommended by experts are to think positive thoughts. Spend 30 minutes a day doing something you like. (i.e.,Soak in a hot tub; walk on the beach or in a park; read a good book; visit a friend; play with your dog; listen to soothing music; watch a funny movie. Get a massage, a facial or a haircut. Meditate. Count to ten before losing your temper or getting aggravated. Avoid difficult people when possible. Thought for the day: When seeing red, think pink clouds….then float on them.
5. Protect Yourself from PollutionIf you can't live in a smog-free environment, at least avoid smoke-filled rooms, high traffic areas, breathing in highway fumes and exercising near busy thoroughfares. Exercise outside when the smog rating is low. Exercise indoors in air conditioning when air quality is good. Plant lots of shrubbery in your yard. It's a good pollution and dirt from the street deterrent. Thought for the day: 'Smoke gets in your eyes'…and your mouth, and your nose and your lungs as do pollutants….hum the tune daily.
6. Wear Your Seat BeltStatistics show that seat belts add to longevity and help alleviate potential injuries in car crashes. Thought for the day: Buckle down and buckle up.
7. Floss Your TeethRecent studies make a direct connection between longevity and teeth flossing. Nobody knows exactly why. Perhaps it's because people who floss tend to be more health conscious than people who don't? Thought for the day: Floss and be your body's boss.
8. Avoid Excessive DrinkingWhile recent studies show a glass of wine or one drink a day (two for men) can help protect against heart disease, more than that can cause other health problems such as liver and kidney disease and cancer. Thought for the day: A jug of wine should last a long time.
9. Keep a Positive Mental OutlookThere's a definitive connection between living well and healthfully and having a cheerful outlook on life. Thought for the day: You can't be unhappy when you're smiling or singing.10. Choose Your Parents WellThe link between genetics and health is a powerful one. But just because one or both of your parents died young in ill health doesn't mean you cannot counteract the genetic pool handed you. Thought for the day: Follow these basic tips for healthy living and you can better control your own destiny.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Three Questions
There was once a king who decided that if he knew who the most important people to be with were, and what the most important thing to do was, and when the best time to do each thing was, that he would certainly be the finest king ever to rule the land. Although he had asked his advisers, none had been able to give him a good answer to these questions.
At last he decided to ask the advice of a wise hermit. The king dressed in the clothes of a commoner and set out for the forest. When he neared the hermit's hut, he ordered his knights to stay back at a distance, and he rode the last section of trail alone.
The king found the hermit digging in his garden. The old man greeted him but continued digging. The king told the hermit that he had come to find answers to his three questions. The hermit listened but gave no answer and continued working. The king observed that the hermit was frail and elderly and that the work was very difficult for him. The king offered to take over the digging, and the hermit allowed it.
The king dug for one hour. Then he repeated the question, but the hermit did not answer. He worked again for another hour, and then repeated his questions with the same results. This continued for a few more hours until the sun began to sink low in the sky. Finally the king got discouraged. "I came to you for answers wise man. If you have none, tell me and I will return home."
Just them someone came running up the path. They turned to see a man with his hands pressed to his stomach and blood flowing from between them. He dropped to the ground at the king's feet.
The king and the hermit knelt down and began tending to the man. The king washed and bandaged the man's wounds. The blood continued to flow so he kept having to change the bandages. The king also helped the hermit to get fresh water, and to help the man to drink.
Finally the man slept and did not wake until the next morning. The king too slept upon the ground, waking often to watch over the man. In the morning the man woke up and looked at the king.
"Forgive me," he said to the king.
"You have nothing to forgive me for," the king answered
Oh, but I do," he said. "You were my enemy, and I had sworn to take revenge on you for killing my brother and taking my land. I knew that you were coming here today and I decided to kill you on the trail. But when you did not return for many hours I left my hideout to find you. Your guards recognized me and wounded me. I escaped them but I would have bled to death if you had not cared for me. I meant to kill you but now you have saved my life. If I live I shall gladly serve you for the rest of my days."
The king was so happy to have been reconciled with an old enemy that he immediately forgave him and promised to return his land. Then the king called for his knights to carry the man back to his castle to be cared for by his own doctor.
After the wounded man had gone, the king asked the hermit once more if he would not give him the answer to his question.
Your questions have already been answered." the hermit replied.
"But how?" the king answered, perplexed.
"How?" repeated the hermit.
If you had not taken pity on my weakness yesterday and helped me instead of returning home, that man would have ambushed and killed you on the trail. Therefore, the most important time was when you were digging my garden beds; and I was the most important person; and the most important thing to do was to do good for me. Later, when the man came running to us, the most important thing to do was to care for him. If you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without making peace with you. Therefore the most important person was that man, and what you did was the most important thing, and the right time was the time when you were doing it.
You see, the most important time is always the present moment. It is the only time that is important because it is the only time that we have control over. The past we can only look back on and wish that we had done differently. The future we can only imagine. The most important person is always the one you are with in the present moment, and the only important deed is the deed that does what is best for others."
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
At last he decided to ask the advice of a wise hermit. The king dressed in the clothes of a commoner and set out for the forest. When he neared the hermit's hut, he ordered his knights to stay back at a distance, and he rode the last section of trail alone.
The king found the hermit digging in his garden. The old man greeted him but continued digging. The king told the hermit that he had come to find answers to his three questions. The hermit listened but gave no answer and continued working. The king observed that the hermit was frail and elderly and that the work was very difficult for him. The king offered to take over the digging, and the hermit allowed it.
The king dug for one hour. Then he repeated the question, but the hermit did not answer. He worked again for another hour, and then repeated his questions with the same results. This continued for a few more hours until the sun began to sink low in the sky. Finally the king got discouraged. "I came to you for answers wise man. If you have none, tell me and I will return home."
Just them someone came running up the path. They turned to see a man with his hands pressed to his stomach and blood flowing from between them. He dropped to the ground at the king's feet.
The king and the hermit knelt down and began tending to the man. The king washed and bandaged the man's wounds. The blood continued to flow so he kept having to change the bandages. The king also helped the hermit to get fresh water, and to help the man to drink.
Finally the man slept and did not wake until the next morning. The king too slept upon the ground, waking often to watch over the man. In the morning the man woke up and looked at the king.
"Forgive me," he said to the king.
"You have nothing to forgive me for," the king answered
Oh, but I do," he said. "You were my enemy, and I had sworn to take revenge on you for killing my brother and taking my land. I knew that you were coming here today and I decided to kill you on the trail. But when you did not return for many hours I left my hideout to find you. Your guards recognized me and wounded me. I escaped them but I would have bled to death if you had not cared for me. I meant to kill you but now you have saved my life. If I live I shall gladly serve you for the rest of my days."
The king was so happy to have been reconciled with an old enemy that he immediately forgave him and promised to return his land. Then the king called for his knights to carry the man back to his castle to be cared for by his own doctor.
After the wounded man had gone, the king asked the hermit once more if he would not give him the answer to his question.
Your questions have already been answered." the hermit replied.
"But how?" the king answered, perplexed.
"How?" repeated the hermit.
If you had not taken pity on my weakness yesterday and helped me instead of returning home, that man would have ambushed and killed you on the trail. Therefore, the most important time was when you were digging my garden beds; and I was the most important person; and the most important thing to do was to do good for me. Later, when the man came running to us, the most important thing to do was to care for him. If you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without making peace with you. Therefore the most important person was that man, and what you did was the most important thing, and the right time was the time when you were doing it.
You see, the most important time is always the present moment. It is the only time that is important because it is the only time that we have control over. The past we can only look back on and wish that we had done differently. The future we can only imagine. The most important person is always the one you are with in the present moment, and the only important deed is the deed that does what is best for others."
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Newton's laws of LOVE
First law:
A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent (brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.
Second law:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.
Third law:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.
Universal law:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent (brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.
Second law:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.
Third law:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.
Universal law:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, it can only be transfered from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Where are you right now?
A mother and a baby camel were lazing around,
and suddenly the baby camel asked....
Baby: Mother, mother, may I ask you some questions?
Mother: Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby: Why do camels have humps?
Mother: Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.
Baby: Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded?
Mother: Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert, You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does! Said the mother proudly.
Baby: Okay, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight.
Mother: My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind. Said mother camel with eyes rimming with pride....
Baby: I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert...Then what the hell are we doing here in the Zzzoooooo!
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
and suddenly the baby camel asked....
Baby: Mother, mother, may I ask you some questions?
Mother: Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby: Why do camels have humps?
Mother: Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.
Baby: Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded?
Mother: Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert, You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does! Said the mother proudly.
Baby: Okay, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight.
Mother: My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind. Said mother camel with eyes rimming with pride....
Baby: I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert...Then what the hell are we doing here in the Zzzoooooo!
MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
The Honest Wife
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by apolice officer.
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife adirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your brokentaillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks."(The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearingyour seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to thecar."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked,
"Ma'am, does yourhusband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife adirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your brokentaillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks."(The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearingyour seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to thecar."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked,
"Ma'am, does yourhusband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
How Heaven Screen its Applicants
A man and his dog died together,
and after death, were walking along a road.
He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high,
white stone wall along one side of the road.
It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill,
it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent
gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and
the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough,
he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir,"
the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?"
the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some
ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?"
the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road
and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk,
and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which
led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!"
he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure,
there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't
be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?"
the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a
long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full,
he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the
tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said.
"The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen
out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind".
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
and after death, were walking along a road.
He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high,
white stone wall along one side of the road.
It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill,
it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent
gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and
the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough,
he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir,"
the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?"
the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some
ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?"
the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road
and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk,
and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which
led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!"
he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure,
there's a pump over there" The man pointed to a place that couldn't
be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?"
the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a
long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full,
he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the
tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said.
"The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen
out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind".
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Legal Jokes
Joke #1
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up.What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?", asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500!" replied the man. "Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need," said the lawyer.
Joke #2
The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was outraged."No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then replied, "Ok. I will tell him - "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.
Joke #3
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read : 'Legal Consultation Service: $150.
Joke #4
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with Honours, and then went home to join his father's legal firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, you know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you've been working on for 10 years!" His father responded : " You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up.What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?", asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500!" replied the man. "Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need," said the lawyer.
Joke #2
The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was outraged."No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then replied, "Ok. I will tell him - "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.
Joke #3
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read : 'Legal Consultation Service: $150.
Joke #4
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with Honours, and then went home to join his father's legal firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, you know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you've been working on for 10 years!" His father responded : " You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!"
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
INTOXICATES VOICE
Your voice
Intoxicates me so!
I hear your sweet words,
Music to my soul.
It makes my heart leap
In delirious, passion-filled beats;
And I have no will of my own.
My ears resound your words
As a high placed bell
In a steeple calling,
Commanding to be heard,
Echoing the same sound
To the most distant reaches;
A never-ending intonation
Of your accent.
The walls breathe your voice.
As a cupboard opens your
Gentle words tumble out,
Unrelated to the task in hand
But uppermost in my mind.
Intractable word-shadows
That follow me around
Filling my heart and soul
With thoughts of you.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
Intoxicates me so!
I hear your sweet words,
Music to my soul.
It makes my heart leap
In delirious, passion-filled beats;
And I have no will of my own.
My ears resound your words
As a high placed bell
In a steeple calling,
Commanding to be heard,
Echoing the same sound
To the most distant reaches;
A never-ending intonation
Of your accent.
The walls breathe your voice.
As a cupboard opens your
Gentle words tumble out,
Unrelated to the task in hand
But uppermost in my mind.
Intractable word-shadows
That follow me around
Filling my heart and soul
With thoughts of you.
Signing Off -dinotino®©-
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